One horrible Departure from New York.

terrifying events that occurred to me at the departure - Delta refused to check in my luggage-so I was pushed to make a choice to ether fly without it or NOT at all.

5 minutes decided almost everything. Just 5 minutes… 3 days of chaotic packing, going over and over with feeling of hesitation about what shall ONE need for a trip-eliminating something just to add another pile of clothes. Struggle between the desire to have outfits for every occasion for 7+ weeks trip overseas and a common sense, whispering in my ears against too many choices.

I tried to write a list of categories: outwear, everyday wear, special occasion wear, country house wear, evening wear, etc. It didn’t help my out-sized imagination; if anything it’s complicated the packing process even more.

The truth is I don’t know how to pack for myself.

I’ve done packing for other people and they seemed to be grateful for that.

When it comes down to packing for myself I am indecisive, over imaginative, and I have to try everything before putting it in the suitcase. It makes the process of packing as complicated as a science project…

And even when something is tried on and approved, the chance of elimination is still possible, simply because I somehow accumulated a huge collection of clothes - combination of different tops, bottoms; multiplies the variety of choices and makes the packing going bizarre…

I always think of what if: -one of my girlfriends is going to get married-or there’s a birthday bash-or a black tie event-or a party for whatever reason?, etc. So I try to pack the outfits for all these occasions, then there’s always my love for the opera-I try to go to the Kiev opera house at least twice a week – can you imagine the number of little black dresses I’ve got to have available, and the little purses, and all the accessories ?

I end up having to huge suitcases and honestly still felt like I forgot something.

When I left apartment (in ruins: with clothes and shoes everywhere) for JFK everything that was supposed to be going smoothly started going the opposite way.

First, I discovered that one of my suitcases handles is stuck inside and would not pop up, which made it very difficult to roll, F train took forever to arrive on 63^rd street- then escalator on E train wasn’t running up and we waited 15 minutes for the elevator, air train was fast, but too many stops!!… Verbal accompaniment by Evgueni ,who was kind enough to help me out, BUT merciless with his predictions…His “I told you so” were so frequent that, when we got to the terminal and noticed that it was no crowd; his final “I told you so” was almost unbearable…

The agent which we approached with my 2 huge suitcases + carry on + back pack + purse, looked surprised:

Agent:”Are you flying to Amsterdam?”- with a facial expression like it was some kind of a joke.

I:”yes.”-despite being scared I tried to sound strong and in charge…

Agent:” at 3:50?”-she looked at the clock.

I:” yes”-trying NOT to look at the clock.

Agent:” you’re late…5 minute late for check in”-then she started typing something without glimpse at my printed itinerary .

I:”…………”-honestly I was speechless and got cold sweat dripping down my back

Agent:” you can try to make it, if you go right now without your baggage…you might be able to get on the plane”- I wish I could say that she looked sympathetic….instead she looked a little curious and vindictive.

I turned to my 2 heavily pregnant suitcases, which contained all my clothes for the trip and at that moment – the moment of no return-I nodded without nagging and took the boarding pass in my cold fingered hands.

Evgueni looked like he was partly satisfied with being right (another silent “I told you so”), and partly shocked because he had to bring those TWO back to the apartment…

I opened one suitcase and in a split second took a pair of jeans, a tee shirt and white down jacket out of it.

My carry on was filled with bunch of shoes: boots and pumps –the back pack had computer in its belly...

I walked away promptly, holding tears in my eyes…

The moment of truth…the moment of decision…the moment that felt like something physically was pulled out of me. I was going for 7.5 weeks trip to Europe wardrobe-less!!!!!!

Should I mention that plane left an hour behind the schedule?…And then, after waiting for 6 hours for my flight to Kiev in Amsterdam’s airport, I was asked to check in my carry on right before getting on the plane…I hesitated for a moment, the flight attendant’s professional smile kindly assured me it will be on the plane, I thought that there’s NO CHANCE that something more could happen….just to find out that my carry on was lost!!! It took me another 2 days to get it!!!

Now I have to learn to live without choice of what to wear...Will I survive???

Vladimir Mayakovsky -the last poem, 1930.

while translating poem.

















Vladimir Mayakovsky - the way he looked at the time he put the pistol in his mouth (3 days after he wrote this poem).














Vladimir Mayakovsky -the last poem 1930.

Уже второй. Должно быть, ты легла.
В ночи Млечпуть серебряной Окою.
Я не спешу, и молниями телеграмм
мне незачем тебя будить и беспокоить.
Как говорят, инцидент исперчен.
Любовная лодка разбилась о быт.
С тобой мы в расчете. И не к чему перечень
взаимных болей, бед и обид.
Ты посмотри, какая в мире тишь.
Ночь обложила небо звездной данью.
В такие вот часы встаешь и говоришь
векам, истории и мирозданью.

2009, translated by Elena Orlova

It’s past one in the morning-you’re probably in bed.
The Milky Way shines like river on darkness of the sky.
I am not in rush –my thoughts as flashes being telegram-ed
Will not disturb and shake your sleep tonight.
The incident is over peppered or so that's what they’ve said…
The Love boat smashed in pieces by the reality sight.
We’re EVEN now and should no longer need
to count our sorrows, pains and tearful fights.
Look –There is SUCH silence over World,
Night‘s busy making star collages in the sky.
In hours like that – raise and speak to the WORLD,
to blissful centuries of HUMAN HISTORY.

quoites of the day-Friday August 22nd.

"If you want to eat salad with onions: make it and EAT IT OUTSIDE!!" Eric.
" I don't do DRUGS-I do ONIONS!" Eleonor.
"Onions are toxic like mustard gas AND it was prohibited even in war zones long time ago." Eric.
"I got hit by the onion tsunami-can't stop eating it, thinking of eating it or how i ate it". Eleonor.

Cozy in gowns on the way to the "Cozy Corner".

Last Saturday late afternoon while walking around my village I spotted interesting looking group of people-all women were dressed alike in raspberry strapless gowns, silver hi heels sandals and matching little fabric purses-quite the outfit..Men wore white shirts with vest suit and tie.
They were running around 2ND avenue buying alcohol and ice (the whole block could hear their conversations).
Picturesque crowd came by the bus, which was parked alongside 2ND avenue - apparently it was a wedding-i didn't have a chance to see the bride, so maybe they were on their way to the wedding ceremony, or after, or INSTEAD of the ceremony???
The dresses weren't that comfortable...the ladies had constantly to pull them up and the sound of heels on asphalt reminded me of the horse ride...As I passed them by, for a moment i was sucked in their energy cloud of heavy perfume, loud talk and cigarette smoke, i felt strange excitement running through my body.
So I grabbed my camera and took this photo...As I observed it later-I noticed that the name of the store they're going to is "Cozy Corner".
I caught myself thinking that wish I had that raspberry strapless gown on too, that I wouldn't even mind to twitch it every second to keep it in place and wear pair of terribly sounded sandals -a cigarette stuck to the corner of my mouse... That then I will stop feeling completely OUT of place and lost...And maybe, just maybe I would feel cozy again.

Tribute to Michael Jackson.

Today, July 7 2009-is Michael Jackson memorial.

What was supposed to be the beginning of the greatest comeback of spectacular degree became a day of sorrow- the day of mourning-the day of burial-AND the day of manifestation of global love to somebody who’s undeniably, was not only one of the biggest music stars , but one of the most recognizable people in the world.

People of all generations, races, nationalities, languages and point of views were united by his music genius….

Michael Jackson was truly UNIQUE…

I am remembering my first encounter with Michael Jackson's music…Back in U.S.S.R: where people were not supposed to know, or even wanted to know what kind of music was played in the USA, or in any other capitalist country…I was brought up in secluded society, behind the iron curtain, constantly tried to be brainwashed since I was a little baby…seeing Lenin portraits everywhere since I remember myself.

Watching news from Moscow , every 9 pm (the only legal source of news available, besides local news, which were always optimistically presented:" our way is the only right way of living")…being told EVERY DAY how lucky I was to be born in Soviet Union…seeing newspaper’s headlines about crises in capitalist world, which sure would end up in collapse soon with triumph of worldwide communist revolution…,being in a state of confusion overhearing different stories (dissident conversations-harshly critical) from my dad and his friends talking in the kitchen …late at night…

AND craving for western culture, music, fashion, anything I can get my grasp on….

Friend of a friend was lucky to be chosen to represent U.S.S.R in basketball tournament abroad, and among few things he managed to bring back - was Michael Jackson's album “the Thriller”.

It was mind blowing to listen to that album!!!

Little that I knew at the time, that this album’s destined to become the most successful one in the music history!!!!

I was swept of my feet…I was transformed on the spot…everything started to make sense and on top of that: I was in love…in love with the music…in love with the lyrics and the feelings attached to it….the emotions were overwhelming me…all that and MORE!!!- Because of Michael Jackson!!!

To this very day I can name Michael Jackson singlehandedly responsible for transforming a confused soviet soul into the open minded –English speaking-world traveled person I became…

Salute, Michael!!

Thank you, Michael, for being yourself and bringing joy and love to people around the Earth!

GOD REST YOUR SOUL!

P.S. On the pictures : me and mother, my father in soviet navy uniform (circa before me being born); myself at the beach (dreaming of different life while thinking of Michael' music) - my pictures dated around the time I first heard “The Thriller”.